Angry behaviour isn’t set in stone

You may be surprised to read that as a therapist specialising in anger management in London, I have found all of the clients who have come to me for help with anger have been gentle, polite and intelligent people.

Among the many things they have had in common is, what one of my former clients described as, “no fuse”. This client’s anger went straight from ignition to bomb, leaving my client as shocked as everyone else after each explosion.

The inability to control your emotions and behaviours can be debilitating as you lose trust in yourself.

The less understanding you have about your anger, the less chance you have of anticipating or preventing those sudden outbursts.

In these cases you are likely to become trapped in a cycle that looks something like the diagram shown.

From an evolutionary perspective, anger has a positive function when experienced appropriately. It motivates and pushes us to stand and protect ourselves, and our loved ones.

However, the clients who come to see me for help with anger management in London often feel frustrated, depressed, anxious or angry with themselves as they have no understanding about why they suddenly lose control and become angry. Even scenarios that they have rehearsed in advance, in an effort to stay calm, somehow go wrong and they find themselves repeatedly losing control.

These clients have often believed that their behaviour was a part of them that was set in stone, causing feelings of frustration, depression and despair.

Fortunately, by coming for professional help with anger management, they have learned to understand what makes them angry, and why – which enabled them to anticipate and adapt their responses in advance, whilst also learning many strategies for changing their thought processes and feeling calmer.

Being able to take control of their thoughts and responses increases their confidence and breaks that destructive cycle, so that it looks more like this:

And if they occasionally slip up (as we are all bound to do from time to time – when learning something new) – it may look like this:

So, the good news is that these behaviours are not set in stone. With professional help it is possible to change your patterns and control your anger.

In my other articles, I will discuss some of the reasons behind why people become angry and describe some tips and techniques to help you control your anger.